Well I am back online… dating that is. I’ve not given it a fair shot really unless you count those two trainwrecks about a year ago (See “Love In Reverse” blog). In all fairness to me, if there could be any justification, I was in turmoil. My brother had just died, my son was shipping to Iraq, and my sister was on her death bed. Certainly not healthy enough to be entering into anything serious or long term. My vulnerability got taken advantage of a little, but that’s another blog entirely.
So in 2009 it’s about being healthy, dispensing with any stigma still attached to online dating (and if you are writing a book on the subject, it certainly helps to have a good attitude www.fishing4loveonline.com) and working through some of those pesky dating myths, especially the online variety.
So this is a fun, light, entertaining, and hopefully helpful blog that will help you in your journey to find love so you can tell your grandchildren that online dating works waaaayyy better than kicking Emily in the shins during recess! They’ll understand……someday.
Dating Myths 101
1. All women lie about their weight - Not true. I never get on a scale. Pick me up. Did you pull something? If not, there’s your answer.
I had a gentleman ask me the other day what was “below the waist” in my pictures and why were all of them cropped…. Oh, you silly, misguided idiot. I’m writing a book, those photos are for my back cover I wanted to say. And what’s below the waist…. well you’ll never see what men still stare at after 44 years. NEXT!
2. All women are crazy - Not true, some are on really good and helpful medications. Seriously, just because we don’t like you or don’t want to go out with you again because OH… I don’t know, you chewed with your mouth open the entire meal, you kept calling us “woman”, or you talked about your ex wife through the ENTIRE meal (and the way there, and the way back, and after you kiss us and tell us that was “an improvement”), or you catch the side of our leg with your hand and say “oops you missed a spot”. Yes, sometimes women just don’t want to be treated like “one of the guys”, they don’t like being teased, they don’t like waiting 45 minutes (there’s a critical hair window for some of us). We’re not crazy, we just don’t like you and even if you are HOT, your abrasive personality turns us off.
3. All women like the bad boy - Yes, that’s true, but we don’t like being treated badly. Just because you have a certain “look” doesn’t give you some inalienable right to be an ass. Case in point: I had a semi-relationship with a guy at work who had a horrid reputation. He was the bad boy, bike, bald, goatee, typical hot, but probably dangerous guy. Turned out he was an artist, had tiffany lamps in his apartment, cried when he spoke of his children and didn’t have 1 tatoo (yep, I checked – none). He looked the part, but when you got the leather jacket off and started peeling back some layers, he was a fascinating guy. HOWEVER, we still love the mystique of the bad boy and gravitate towards him every single time. If this is what you want to do to women – please don’t. Get a life, act your age, and be a gentleman. Your mom will find out about it eventually!
4. Women love mixed signals keeps things “interesting” – Who told you that? We are women, not men. Different brains, different emotions, different ways of assimilating information but if you give it to us straight, and direct, we get it. If you dance, swim, mumble around the words, give us a bunch of flowery sentences when put together mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING we can share at happy hour with our girlfriends, we are going to assume you are not interested and we will find someone who is not ashamed of his emotions. Seriously, I know some of you were married once, how in the heck did you snag her with all your “mixed signals”?
5. Hard to get guys are way more appealing - For a while, then the interest wanes like a seven year old with ADD. It’s impossible to know what you think, feel, or want if you cannot (for whatever reason) take it to the next level. We will try to find out, pick your brain, conjole information to take back to our girlfriends and pick their brains, but honestly, after everyones brains have been picked dry, what’s left? Not much. So my advice, if you are hard to get, don’t date because it really means you would rather be alone anyway. Fair?
6. Separated is just the same as being divorced - Not in Texas my friend! There is NO legal separation in Texas. Trust me I tried! For all you men who think just because you’ve moved into a 1 bedroom apartment and have “new furniture”, that it’s a clean slate for everyone. OH… OK…. but aren’t you still LEGALLY married to someone? I don’t care if you’ve put 3 counties, 4 zip codes, and 2 tollways between you and the “soon to be ex”, you’re still married. Take some time off and figure out who you are. Trust me in a year you won’t even recognize yourself, and if you jumped into a new relationship before the ink was dry on the “ex relationship”, your new partner won’t recognize you either.
And the last is my personal favorite myth!
7. On the first date you should always meet her for coffee - Really? You seriously drink coffe at 6 O’clock at night? Is that to stave off hunger? Do you have an eating disorder? It’s insulting and I won’t do it. Period. And let me tell you why. Ok, so let’s assume for a minute I will meet you for coffee. I’ve hired a babysitter at 10$ an hour (which of course you didn’t offer to pay for), I’ve ordered pizza 20$, possibly gotten a new blouse 25$, and gased my car (a girl can’t get stranded now can she). So I am asked to meet you at Starbucks, and I get confused because there are competing Stabucks at the north and south corners of the same street. I’m sitting there chewing up a 10$ an hour babysitter, wishing I’d grabbed a slice of that 20$ pizza, and after 45 minutes you text me and ask me if I’ve stood you up! No I text back, I’m sitting in Starbucks on the corner of 5th and Main. And when you arrive all smug and holding your own cup of coffee you’d already ordered at the Starbucks across the street, you’ve no idea that I’ve already lost almost 75$, an hour and a half of my life, and whatever remaining interest there was in you.
This is obviously a fictitious but very plausible scenario and my years of experience have taught me that NO, I will not meet you for coffee and no other self-respecting woman should either! If coffee is all you are willing to invest in our first date, that is a pretty good indicator of what my life will be like. I’ll forever be cocking my head to the side like a parrot when you do stuff like that and say “Really? Seriously?”
I hope this has given you some food for thought. Look in the mirror, read some of your emails to girls, look at your profile and honestly say – am I one of those guys? If you don’t care, then this was a fun read. If you are a lady, you hopefully got a chuckle and thought OMG! YES! I know that guy! I’m not speaking about anyone in particular here, as with my book, my blog doesn’t drag the men I’ve dated (for the most part) into this venue. But if you see yourself…… I can’t help that now, can I?
Happy fishing!
Love,
Mel
